http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/en-EUMokoFeed10http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/e7/d4f467d7f7a01f707e5c9bebc93b2c_160x200.jpghttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/10/24/dear_bingo_where_have_you_been~1256094/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-10-24:/2006/10/24/dear_bingo_where_have_you_been~1256094/Tue, 24 Oct 2006 13:23:11 +0200 <p>I dont have a real excuse. So will just make some up. Pick the one you like most.</p> <p>1. I have been held prisoner for the last 4 months in Gyles Brandreths porn dungeon.<br> 2. I have been camped out on Wimbledon Common, trying to capture a Womble (so that I can hump it)<br> 3. Having a very long wank.<br> 4. Digging a series of tunnels (with a spork) under London so that I can start my rival tube service.<br> 5. Trapped inside the freezer ailse of Sainsburys, forced to live on frozen peas and uncooked Chicago Town Pizzas.<br> 6. In purgotory.<br> 7. Recovering from a severe paper-cut.<br> 8. Recording a new concept album with the remaining members of Shawaddywaddy.<br> 9. Became the new face of Anusol.<br> 10. Training dolphins to make cheese on toast. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/10/24/dear_bingo_where_have_you_been~1256094/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/10/24/dear_bingo_where_have_you_been~1256094/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/07/14/new_names_for_the_housemates~812581/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-07-14:/2006/07/14/new_names_for_the_housemates~812581/Fri, 14 Jul 2006 23:04:00 +0200 <p>1st. published 19th Maytumber.<br> As they say 1st impressions count, </p> <p>In order of their entries</p> <p>1. <del>Bonnie</del> – <strong>The Spam Bag</strong></p> <p>2. Pete - <strong>Trampy Clown slacks</strong></p> <p>3. <del>George</del> – <strong>Sir Squashee Conk-a-Lot</strong></p> <p>4. <del>Shabazz</del> – <strong>Wee Jock McGonky</strong></p> <p>5. <del>Leia</del> – <strong>Old Bits Barbie</strong></p> <p>6. Imogen – <strong>Charlotte Lurch</strong></p> <p>7. Mikey – <strong>MopTop-Photo-Shop</strong></p> <p>8. <del>Dawn</del> – <strong>Misreable Dusktill</strong></p> <p>9. Glynn – <strong>Captain Icklewinkle<br> </strong><br> 10. Richard – <strong>The Mincing Mountie</strong></p> <p>11. <del>Grace</del> – <strong>Daddies Dearest Muppet</strong></p> <p>12. <del>Lisa</del> – <strong>Wung Wong Number</strong></p> <p>13. <del>Sezsar</del> – <strong>The Cheese-Tsar</strong></p> <p>14. <del>Nikki</del> - <strong>Spackflaps</strong></p> <p>15. Ashleen - <strong>The Cock-Hopper</strong></p> <p>16. <del>Sam</del> - <strong>Whaddafu...</strong></p> <p>17. Suzi - <strong>Mutton dressed as spam</strong></p> <p>18. <del>Jonathan</del> - <strong>Dark Meat</strong></p> <p>19. Spiral - <strong>The Scanger</strong></p> <p>20. Jennie - <strong>Joey from the 80's BBC sitcom "Bread"'s baby</strong></p> <p>21. Mike - <strong>The Bike</strong></p> <p>22. Jayne - <strong>The Guntess</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/07/14/new_names_for_the_housemates~812581/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>comedybwbbbhumourbig-brotherfunnyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/07/14/new_names_for_the_housemates~812581/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/06/07/the_biggin_hill_hair_fair~860914/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-06-07:/2006/06/07/the_biggin_hill_hair_fair~860914/Wed, 07 Jun 2006 18:05:48 +0200 <blockquote><p><strong>One of the perks of my very soon to be ex-job is free tickets to the Biggin Hill Air Fair, while the flight display is amazing it’s the congregated display of plane enthusiasts that truly astounds me.<br> A strange breed, rarely seen out of its natural habitat (indoors alone or at an airport car-park alone) the air fair is an opportunity for this bizarre strain of gonk to meet en-masse. </p> <p>It’s not easy getting photographs of the lesser spotted plane spotter, they move very quickly between the airfix model peddlers and crap cap vendors. The glorious Boo helped a great deal in getting these shots with her shouts of MUNT HUNT whenever a contender was in snapping range. Here are the top 3</strong></p></blockquote> <p><strong><u><u>Crazy-Eyes Catweezle</u></u></strong><br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=602134"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/134/602134_5c413c4b54_m.jpeg" align="" alt="weirdy1" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> It was sweltering, and he has a fleece on both his back and face so gets points for that. The laser beam eyes nearly won me over, but then we saw….</p> <p><strong><u>Dr. Darts</u></strong><br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=602135"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/135/602135_27f73aaab6_m.jpeg" align="" alt="weirdy2" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> In 2001 the world wildlife fund designated the mullet and moustache combination an endangered species, we were pleased to see that this rare specimen has found a mate with an equally freaky frightwig.</p> <p><strong><u>Helmut Wang</u></strong><br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=602136"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/136/602136_436c091520_m.jpeg" align="" alt="weirdy3" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> A surprise German entry and 2006’s clear winner. What can I say? His confidence in his gonkery is 1st class, from the dedicated Ferrari branding, to the frizzy fuzz bonnet peeping cheekily from under the cap. You know that he left the house thinking to himself <em>“Helmut, you look shit hot today”</em></p> <p><strong>BWB</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/06/07/the_biggin_hill_hair_fair~860914/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bwbplane-gonkshumourcomedyfunnyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/06/07/the_biggin_hill_hair_fair~860914/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/29/tagged_again_describe_my_good_self_with_~838392/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-05-29:/2006/05/29/tagged_again_describe_my_good_self_with_~838392/Mon, 29 May 2006 17:37:05 +0200 <p><strong>Gonk</strong><br> Part Nerd, Part Geek.</p> <p><strong>Gurning</strong><br> Can’t help it, I have one of those faces.</p> <p><strong>Gangly</strong><br> Always falling over my own bloomin feet.<br> <strong><br> Generous</strong><br> Will always help if I can, you just need to ask me.<br> <strong><br> Gregarious</strong><br> Like to put myself about.</p> <p><strong>Gimp</strong><br> Only in Blogland though.</p> <p><strong>Gentlemanly</strong><br> Won’t catch me wiping it on the curtains afterwards.</p> <p><strong>Git</strong><br> Sometimes I am, suspect that applies to all of us from time to time though.</p> <p><strong>Gippo</strong><br> I come from the bit of Kent where the knackers from “Snatch” reside, and can speak fluent Pikee.</p> <p><strong>Glad</strong><br> That there are still some nice people out there.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/29/tagged_again_describe_my_good_self_with_~838392/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>taggedhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/29/tagged_again_describe_my_good_self_with_~838392/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/21/tagged_by_fatalattacktractor~816498/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-05-21:/2006/05/21/tagged_by_fatalattacktractor~816498/Sun, 21 May 2006 10:30:01 +0200 <p><strong>She tagged me. 10 famous ladies that I would hump is the theme.</strong></p> <p><strong>This Muppet.</strong><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=559903"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/903/559903_3c572bb53d_m.jpeg" align="" alt="sexmuppet" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> I’m sure Henson made a “muppet minge” one lonely night.</p> <p><strong>Doris from on the busses</strong><br> “I’m sure it will be fine once we get those glasses off. Gahhh!”</p> <p><strong>Medusa from Clash of the Titans</strong><br> I like a lady that can get me hard in seconds</p> <p><strong>Deirdre Rasheed-Barlow</strong><br> “I’m sure it will be fine once we get those glasses off. Gahhh!”</p> <p><strong>Bella Emberg</strong><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=559904"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/904/559904_91f1f7f325_m.jpeg" align="" alt="sexbellaemberg" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> I know. She’s a gunter. It’s my weakness for funny women<br> <strong><br> Florence Nightingale</strong><br> It’s that nurses uniform</p> <p><strong>Nana Mouskouri</strong><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=559905"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/905/559905_a7300cf062_m.jpeg" align="" alt="mouskouri" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> “I’m sure it will be fine once we get those glasses off. Gahhh!!</p> <p><strong>Jane Asher</strong><br> She makes cakes, mmmmmm cakes.</p> <p><strong>The Cadbury caramel bunny</strong><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=559906"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/906/559906_bae772aadc_m.gif" align="" alt="rudebunny" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> This is wrong on so many levels, but c’mon lads, you would wouldn’t you?</p> <p><strong>Marge Simpson</strong><br> I need to know if her pubes are blue.</p> <p>I now pass the arsecandle onto these five bloggers<br> <strong>Bagdiddy<br> BadgerBrian<br> Cocktailer<br> Zenethru<br> Sixpence</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/21/tagged_by_fatalattacktractor~816498/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourbwbfunnycomedyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/21/tagged_by_fatalattacktractor~816498/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/15/cumbawumba_wont_be_appearing~802751/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-05-15:/2006/05/15/cumbawumba_wont_be_appearing~802751/Mon, 15 May 2006 22:34:02 +0200 <p>At the next <strong><a href="http://www.3girlsinaboat.com">3 Girls in a Boat</a></strong> comedy extravaganza.</p> <p>Those fabulously nutty girls that make their punters squeal with delight more than once a month, have kindly asked me to bang the buttons and make the electricity work during their next public display of hilaritizzies and chortleisms which is commonly known as THE HAPPY HOUR AT THE LOWDOWN. </p> <p>Hold onto your hairy wangs and your shaven twangs and get ready for Wednesday 17 Maytumber, whence you should take your lovely selves along to <strong><a href="http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=W1W+5QU">Ye Albany Comedeye Clubbe/Pubbe in London Town</a></strong>, that is the great big busy place with the statues for all of those unfamiliar.</p> <p>Fresh from last months sell-out show <a href="http://www.3girlsinaboat.com/3ginabpressphoto1.jpg">Ann-Marie and Charity</a> would like you to wish you luck in getting in....but if you PM me and you’re a buddy I will hold onto a ticket for you, I will not paying for you to get in though, I need the money I get off this gig to pay off my Double-Decker dealer. (you can’t hear it but am making that sucking my teeth sound like the kids make nowadays, trying to capture the Yoof-Markit.</p> <blockquote><p>Ya Blood Clots, check da<br> <p class="center"><strong>MAYHEM MARGARITA on WED 17TH MAY</strong></p> <p>And you will see:<br> * <strong>Jo Caulfield</strong> - “one of the funniest female comics in the country” The Guardian<br> * <strong>Paul Lyalls</strong> - Hilarious Poetry & Stand-Up<br> * <strong>Jamie Neil</strong> - Character Comedy<br> * <strong>Susy Kane</strong> - musical character comedy<br> * <strong>MC's: Anne-Marie & Charity</strong> as <strong>3 Girls in a Boat</strong> </p> <p>Doors open: 7.30pm. Show starts 8.00pm<br> Price £7 (£6 conc.)<br> Lowdown at the Albany, 240 Great Portland Street, London W1W 5QU</p></blockquote> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/15/cumbawumba_wont_be_appearing~802751/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bwbhumour3-girls-in-a-boatcomedylive-comedyfunnyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/15/cumbawumba_wont_be_appearing~802751/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/12/great_week_to_be_a_playstation_hater~794859/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-05-12:/2006/05/12/great_week_to_be_a_playstation_hater~794859/Fri, 12 May 2006 19:39:57 +0200 <p>This is supposed to be a comedy blog, but a gonk like me finds this kind of thing very funny.</p> <p><strong>Back when PS1 was brought to market Ken Kutagari chief designer made the comment that “playstation games are the software equivalent of Macdonalds hamburgers, cheap, tasty and easy to get hold of”, that comment has stuck with me all these years and is re-affirmed every time I walk into a game shop and am confronted with that big blue wall of shit (the playstation ailse).</p> <p>I know a lot of people love Sony and love their PS1’s PS2’s and are getting wet with excitement at the prospect of PS3. Get ready to have your hearts broken.</strong></p> <blockquote><p>Sony has just had the worst E3 ever.</p> <p>They have lost exclusive rights to GTA, and Microsoft has exclusive episode downloads from day one, Sony isn’t getting any. </p> <p>Sony has announced that their online services will be handled by the publishers, if anyone here has played on an EA server knows how bad this will turn out. </p> <p>Universal studios, who are linked to Blu-ray (the new HD dvd format) have stated that they don’t think it is going to take off, mainly due to very high production costs of both hardware and software. The rival format HD-DVD is already proven as half the cost on both fronts.</p> <p>And the greatest bombshell dropped this week (c&p’d from Wired magazines Chris Kohlers gamelife blog)</p> <p><strong>“Sony just tried to pull the wool over our eyes, and I'm not happy. </p> <p>I -- as well as the rest of planet Earth -- thought that the PS3 was really $499, and that the $599 pack was just if you wanted extra hard drive space. As it turns out: no. The PS3 is $599, and the $499 pack is for if you want a crippled box. </p> <p>If you go in for the $499 PS3, you don't get the much-vaunted Memory Stick/SD Card/CompactFlash inputs. Hell, you don't even get IEEE 802.11 wireless. </p> <p>And worst of all: you don't get HDMI output. Know what that means? You can't watch Blu-Ray movies. Sure, you can watch them in standard definition. But not HD. Isn't that, like, the whole point? </p> <p>This just made Microsoft's $299 Core Pack look like a genius idea. At least it's possible to upgrade an Xbox Core. I don't know what kind of arcane magick will have to be executed to give a crippled PS3 actual functionality.”</strong></p> <p>Add a couple of dead joypads (no vibration with dualshock3’s) and we have our 3rd place in this generation’s hardware battle.</p></blockquote> <p>hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/12/great_week_to_be_a_playstation_hater~794859/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>poostationhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/12/great_week_to_be_a_playstation_hater~794859/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/11/brand_new_words_part_iv_aamp_v~792628/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-05-11:/2006/05/11/brand_new_words_part_iv_aamp_v~792628/Thu, 11 May 2006 21:04:05 +0200 <blockquote><p>Citizens of Blogistan, our swearing engineers and industrial perverts have delivered another pair of rude words that we can use in our war against the English language.</p> <p>I now present for your consideration two words that should soon become the new way to describe male and female shag-tools.</p></blockquote> <p><strong>Wang and Twang.</strong></p> <blockquote><p>I discovered these two words in a discarded and long forgotten Worzel Gummidge script.<br> Never filmed, it was intended to be the final show in the series, where Worzel finally gets to bang Aunt Sally (what do you think he is going to be after once she has had that cup of tea and slice of cake?)</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=537494"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/494/537494_1b51479344_m.jpeg" align="" alt="worzel" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> <strong><em>“Come ere Aunt Sally, I is gonna stick me nobber up yer!”</em></strong></p> <blockquote><p>To be honest the script was a rather tasteful and tender treatment of a subject that touches many lives. Infertility. Realising that they can’t have children, Worzel and Aunt Sally enlist the help of the Crowman. It is him who utters the words for the first time.</p> <p><em>“Worzel, these are for you and Aunt Sally, I have made both of them from one well whittled turnip.<br> Look, they fit inside each other perfectly, but they will only last for about a week before going mouldy and losing their magic.<br> You will have to stick your <strong>Wang</strong> in her <strong>Twang</strong> as many times as you can Worzel”</em></p></blockquote> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/11/brand_new_words_part_iv_aamp_v~792628/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>new-wordsbwbfunnycomedyhumourhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/11/brand_new_words_part_iv_aamp_v~792628/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/the_king_of_new_york_answers_some_simple~772907/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-05-03:/2006/05/03/the_king_of_new_york_answers_some_simple~772907/Wed, 03 May 2006 13:44:35 +0200 <p><strong>Courtesy of the Dark Side of the Internet and Lorne Michaels Productions.</strong></p> <blockquote><p><strong>Classic SNL for your aural enjoyment. Needs Speakers. Safe for work</strong> <em>(unless you are at work and don’t have speakers, and foolishly fashion a pair out of 2 empty poly-cups and a few paperclips. People like you are a fire hazard, and should wait until you get home for this sort of thing)</em></p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=519530"><img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/img/audio.gif" align="" alt="SNL - Christopher Walken & Tim Meadows - Census Interview" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a>Saturday Night Live: Christopher Walken, Census Interview.</p> <blockquote><p><strong><big>Question to the tiny amount of people that will stumble across my weblogalog today, </p> <p>What’s your all time favourite comedy sketch?</big><br> </strong></p></blockquote> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/the_king_of_new_york_answers_some_simple~772907/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bwbfunnycomedyhumoursnlhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/the_king_of_new_york_answers_some_simple~772907/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/8_jokes_of_varying_quality~772414/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-05-03:/2006/05/03/8_jokes_of_varying_quality~772414/Wed, 03 May 2006 10:06:26 +0200 <p><strong>2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and say’s</strong> “you drive, I will fire the big gun”<br> <strong><br> I once had sex with a Princess.</strong><br> Severely burnt my dick on the exhaust pipe.<br> <strong><br> How do you know if your balls work?</strong><br> Give them two test tickles</p> <p><strong>What’s yellow and tastes Christmassy?</strong><br> Santa’s Piss.</p> <p><strong>Why should you be quiet in the comedy actor graveyard?</strong><br> Because Roy Kinnear and Frankie Howerd.</p> <p><strong>Why did the pubic hair on the toilet seat cry?</strong><br> He was pissed off</p> <p><strong>Why did the condom fly across the room?</strong><br> He was pissed off too</p> <p><strong>What’s white, sticky and shuffles across the floor doing the “Cha Cha Cha”?</strong><br> Cum Dancing</p> <p><strong>BWB</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/8_jokes_of_varying_quality~772414/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>comedyfunnyjokeshumourhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/05/03/8_jokes_of_varying_quality~772414/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/21/my_blog_is_now_in_spain_admin_please_sor~745245/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-21:/2006/04/21/my_blog_is_now_in_spain_admin_please_sor~745245/Fri, 21 Apr 2006 17:19:14 +0200 <p><del>Why is my blog, and some others being diverted to the blog.es homepage?</del><br> Normal service is resumed, shame was just about to buy a sombrero </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/21/my_blog_is_now_in_spain_admin_please_sor~745245/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bloguk-is-brokenhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/21/my_blog_is_now_in_spain_admin_please_sor~745245/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/21/more_crap_found_in_shop_windows~745182/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-21:/2006/04/21/more_crap_found_in_shop_windows~745182/Fri, 21 Apr 2006 16:47:54 +0200 <blockquote><p><strong>To you £6.99</strong></p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=494889"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/889/494889_f5909bb9d2_m.jpeg" align="" alt="soduko" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <p><strong>Coming soon.</strong></p> <blockquote><p>Battleships for Berks<br> Word-Searches for Wankers<br> Crosswords for Cun……</p></blockquote> <p><strong>BWB</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/21/more_crap_found_in_shop_windows~745182/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>comedyfunnybwbhumourhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/21/more_crap_found_in_shop_windows~745182/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/19/shameless~723398/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-19:/2006/04/19/shameless~723398/Wed, 19 Apr 2006 07:24:02 +0200 <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=475746"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/746/475746_242767a757_m.jpeg" align="" alt="nice-plug" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> <strong>I am allowed out of the house once a month. Alone.<br> My next sojourn without supervision will be on the evening of <u>Wednesday 19st April</u></strong></p> <blockquote><p>I go to a fairly innocent looking pub in Central London.<br> The manager takes me behind the bar, and leads me down some dark stairs into the basement.<br> When I’m down there I am a willing slave, employed solely to twiddle with knobs and flick buttons for a pair of ladies who happen to be very, very funny.</p></blockquote> <p><strong>Ladies and Gentleman, I give you what is probably the first blog-a-log in the whole blinking world to mention the comedy delicacy that is <strong><a href="http://www.3girlsinaboat.com/">3 Girls in a Boat</a></strong>. And before anyone asks, there are just 2 of them, and guess what? They’re not in a boat either. Don’t ask, watch the show.</strong> </p> <blockquote><p>Not only will you bear witness to <strong>Miss. Charity Trimm</strong> and <strong>Mrs. Ann Marie Draycott’s</strong> staggering situation based comedic skits and sequences, with assistance from their Special third girl, <strong>Ms. Dan Clegg</strong>.<br> No my Blog-goggling friends, you will also find your lucky selves in the presence of a dazzling mix of the very best in established and up and coming stand-up artistes currently able to “do it” in front of real people.</p></blockquote> <p><strong><em>Ingredients:</em></strong><br> * <strong>James Branch</strong> - Laughing Horse New Act of the Year Winner 2005<br> * <strong>Diane Morgan</strong> - as seen in Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights<br> * <strong>Charlotte Coates</strong> - Hostess of She-Haa<br> * <strong>Louisa Gummer</strong> - Mistress of Musical Mirth<br> * <strong>Suzi Kane</strong> - musical character comedy</p> <p>Get ready for a night of boozing and giggling at</p> <blockquote><p><strong><u>3 GIRLS IN A BOAT @ The Albany</u></strong>, <a href="http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=W1W+5QU">240 Great Portland</a> St. Lahndahn.<br> It’s right by Great Portland Street choob-station.</p> <p>Door 7.30 for 8.00.<br> £7.00 to the man on the door, (£6 if you say to the man “Bingo Freely sent me, my name is Ricardo Montalban. Do you have the package?”)</p></blockquote> <p>Thank You, this was a public service message on behalf of <strong>P.U.B.E</strong> (<em>Public Users of Bella Emberg</em>)</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/19/shameless~723398/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourlive-comedybingo-freelycomedyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/19/shameless~723398/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/bingo_s_munt_hunt~734626/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-17:/2006/04/17/bingo_s_munt_hunt~734626/Mon, 17 Apr 2006 20:33:37 +0200 <p><strong>Spotted today. To you £49.99</strong><br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=486038"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/038/486038_baa7a52c03_m.jpeg" align="" alt="munty" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <blockquote><p><strong>I’m not sure if the study for this piece was touched with the “weirdey-wand” before she sat for this artist. I just hope that the “green tinge” on her forehead hasn’t infected other parts.</p> <p>It could be that she isn’t actually this much of a stoinker in the flesh, and that the cack-handed impressionist who painted the piece has wrecked revenge (possibly planned many years ago, after a school playground incident involving a misplaced curly-wurly)</strong></p></blockquote> <p>BWB</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/bingo_s_munt_hunt~734626/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>funnycomedybwbmuntyhumourhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/bingo_s_munt_hunt~734626/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/another_new_word_part_iii_dr_b_j_bond_s_~733499/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-17:/2006/04/17/another_new_word_part_iii_dr_b_j_bond_s_~733499/Mon, 17 Apr 2006 12:23:26 +0200 <p><strong>He really is very bored in Thailand, and has kindly banged out another piece of scientific guff for us to chew over.</strong></p> <blockquote><p>Dear Bingo,</p> <p>With regards to our recently opened line of enquiry concerning the mugh-sound, and to discover if this noise properly represents the international community at large when dinner-flinging.</p> <p>I spent some time preparing for this exhaustive study and have done a few test runs (heh-heh) to be sure, I purchased a quantity of laxative from a chemist to allow for several sessions a day (A wholly embarrassing experience, try explaining to a Thai pharmacist via the use of increasingly loud Engrish and bizarre hand signals that you require an ungodly quantity of Poo-Powder. It tends to draw a crowd).</p> <p>However I suffered this ignominy being the worldly man of science my reputation proffers.<br> As you well know Bingo, I have never been perturbed from my quest for further knowledge because people thought me to be a silly person.</p> <p>The crux of this study (in my humble opinion) is actually a question of demographics and democracy.<br> The western diet ensures a more physical experience when toilet time is reached, some would even call it a painful experience. Large amounts of red meat and sugary snacks almost guarantee the standard one visit a day will leave a fair sized bum-loaf.<br> Our mandarin speaking cousins by far outweigh us both in number and digesterary leavings.<br> The common Asian diet of starchy rice and abundance of nut based products ensures more frequent daily visits.<br> So, by the virtue of sheer population numbers, their tone which I have been studying has to be considered the correct one. </p> <p>To ensure fairness and unity is at the forefront of this investigation I locked myself in the middle cubicle of a popular “gurn-palace” for several hours a day, sometimes eating my lunch there, performing a passive survey on the subtle differences between the visiting nations.<br> I would have preferred a more appealing environment and subjects, the UN council at lunchtime perhaps, but I made the best of what was readily available to me.<br> I can therefore confidently conclude that after extensive analysis and recordings of the noises made, the international sound for a poo, based on Asian tone and allowing for the logistics of the western payload, is <strong><em>"HIIIIIIIIIIUUUNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG HHHHHNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG HAAAAHHHHNNNNNNNNNNGG.....uh"</em></strong>.</p> <p>Thanks for the project, I cannot say the experience itself was pleasant, I do however feel I have grown as an individual during this learning and as an added bonus, mainly due to the laxatives, and I’ve lost a few pounds too.</p> <p>Your learned friend,<br> Dr (honorary) B J Bond </p></blockquote> <p>Thanks Doc, again. now update your travel-blog <a href="http://leebutler.blogster.com/">"Touring the World on Shetland Pony"</a><br> <strong>BWB</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/another_new_word_part_iii_dr_b_j_bond_s_~733499/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>comedynew-wordbwbfunnyhumourhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/another_new_word_part_iii_dr_b_j_bond_s_~733499/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/questions_answered_in_the_key_of_ummm~732242/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-16:/2006/04/16/questions_answered_in_the_key_of_ummm~732242/Sun, 16 Apr 2006 19:38:35 +0200 <p>What do you drink in the morning?<br> <strong>(puts on Marks and Sparks voice) <em>“A hot cup of Java ground by the hooves of organic llamas, with freshly expressed frothy baboon milk”</em> (left nipple preferably)</strong></p> <p>Do you own a pet? <strong>I keep referring to Pablo in these damn quizzes. He is well. His English is improving, when he asks for food, we will give it to him.</strong> </p> <p>What do you understand by the word ‘equivocal’? <strong>Probably not, but will continue to use it anyway.</strong></p> <p>Ever borrowed a cup of sugar from your next-door-neighbour? <strong>Why do you think I am on Earth for any other reason than the sugary goodness this planet is rich in?</strong></p> <p>Favourite Planet? <strong>Home, Zippypanngtang 7.</strong></p> <p>Worst joke ever told in bed? <strong>Do you know what “Felching” is?</strong></p> <p>Ever been road-raged? <strong>Where were going Marty, we don’t need roads.</strong></p> <p>Worst Film of all Time? <strong>Back to the Future II</strong></p> <p>Ginger Nuts; Ginger or Minger? <strong>If something is rusty, rub it with Brasso</strong></p> <p>Should life be lived to the full? <strong>Yes, and then have another craic in the afterlife.</strong></p> <p>How important is money? <strong>Without money I will never restore the family name.</strong></p> <p>What is skiing? <strong>Yoghurty gluttony.</strong></p> <p>Should canoeing be made legal? <strong>Only if cat juggling is too.</strong></p> <p>Pretty and witty and gay? <strong>Munty and duncey and ooooooohh</strong></p> <p>What are the most different cheeses you’ve eaten within a 24-hour period? <strong>4047, but it was during my stint on the “Cheese of the Year 1994” award selection panel<br> BWB</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/questions_answered_in_the_key_of_ummm~732242/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourbwbfunnyquizrobbercomedyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/questions_answered_in_the_key_of_ummm~732242/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/senseless~732063/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-16:/2006/04/16/senseless~732063/Sun, 16 Apr 2006 18:00:13 +0200 <p><strong>Unless you read the</strong> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/i_am_being_hunted_by_the_lady_that_likes~731927">previous post</a>.</p> <blockquote><p><strong>Gunge-mumbler, Chud-flinger, Dung-Berry, Clag-shanker, Munge-stabber, Plank-spanker, Belly-legs, Spangle-banger, Snurt-hurter, Wang-whackers,<br> Gunt-hunter, Nurb-slurper, Chimp-stripper, Cheese-fondler, Bung-ripper, Gust-busker, Gork-sporker, Twange-mangler.</strong></p></blockquote> <p><strong>Frank Hugh Ferry Munch!<br> BWB</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/senseless~732063/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourcomedyfunnybwbhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/senseless~732063/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/i_am_being_hunted_by_the_lady_that_likes~731927/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-16:/2006/04/16/i_am_being_hunted_by_the_lady_that_likes~731927/Sun, 16 Apr 2006 17:00:09 +0200 <blockquote><p><strong>Gillian McKeith</strong> has been plaguing my bloghole since I started this travesty, and I have had enough. Do you hear me Gillian, <strong>ENOUGH!</strong><br> I realise google looks at keywords in my posts, but nowhere does it mention you, or make reference to your wide range of self assembly arse draining machines.<br> Trust me, nobody wants to buy your magical powder based meals, or your <em>“home made” “nut bars”</em></p></blockquote> <p><strong>In my next post I am going to try and outsmart the Evil Dr (diploma gained at the “upstairs” medical school Scunthorpe) McKeith sat in her poo inspection and food production facility.</strong></p> <p><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/665/483665_30c59bcc94_m.jpeg" alt="" title="">Evil Dr's poo inspection and food production facility</p> <blockquote><p><strong>By posting nothing but gobbledegook (I say gobbledegook that could be much of what I write) in my next post we might outsmart the wicked Googlemonster and the nefarious Nutrition-Witch.<br> BWB</strong></p></blockquote> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/i_am_being_hunted_by_the_lady_that_likes~731927/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourbwbgillian-mckeithfunnycomedyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/i_am_being_hunted_by_the_lady_that_likes~731927/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/i_am_a_man_not_a_lolly~731636/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-16:/2006/04/16/i_am_a_man_not_a_lolly~731636/Sun, 16 Apr 2006 14:38:03 +0200 <blockquote><p>One swelteringly pungent afternoon in Victorian London, <strong>John Merrick</strong> the already world famous <strong>Elephant Man</strong> found himself close to total exhaustion from keeping his lumpy visage hidden from the sight of a mocking and gawping public under his heavy sack and cap.</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=483282"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/282/483282_3ad836dbf7_s.jpeg" align="" alt="bagonhead" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <blockquote><p>He didn’t usually go out during the day, especially one as fetid and sweaty as this, but a new edition of his favourite periodical, <strong>“HEATE”</strong> magazine had come out that day, and he was a sucker for any gossip on Prince Albert’s clanking array of piercing's.</p> <p>There was a short lived break in the smog, and through the hole in his sack John saw an Ice cream van.<br> Realizing this was probably his only chance of finding respite, John ran as fast as his elephantine legs could carry him while shouting <strong><em>“Shhhhhhttopppp Pllleeeaaashhhh”</em></strong> to draw the vendor’s attention.<br> It was about to pull away having just served Charles Dickens (<em>a two scoop 99</em>) and H. G. Wells (<em>a mars choc ice</em>).</p> <p>Dave the Ice Cream man (a fellow <a href="http://www.lostintime.blog.co.uk/">time traveller</a> incidentally, nice bloke, built a particle accelerator in his van out of Pringles tubes) heard the collection of muted whoops and spatterings, and pulled the Whippymobile over.</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=483272"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/272/483272_695ba837bb_m.jpeg" align="" alt="ice cream dave" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> <strong><em>“What can I do for you mate?” asked Dave “I don’t have a lot left”</em></strong></p> <blockquote><p>Salivating so much in anticipation a wet patch soaked through his head-bag</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=483273"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/273/483273_dd7a126417_m.jpeg" align="" alt="merrick" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> <strong><em>“Sshhhhccaan I havesh a Tangle Twisshhter please”</em> John asked.</strong><br> <img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/271/483271_242e41ff8f_o.gif" alt="" title=""><br> <strong><em>“Sorry mate, I’ve only got two Funny Feet left in the freezer, how about a Funny Face? I think there’s one round here somewhere”</em></strong><br> <img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/270/483270_74544bfb66_o.gif" alt="" title=""><br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=483273"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/273/483273_dd7a126417_m.jpeg" align="" alt="merrick" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> <strong><em>"Are you takinsshhh the piisssssshhhhh?"</em></strong></p> <blockquote><p>BWB</p></blockquote> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/i_am_a_man_not_a_lolly~731636/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>funnycomedyelephant-manbwbhumourhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/16/i_am_a_man_not_a_lolly~731636/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/15/another_new_word_part_ii_dr_bonds_findin~730583/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-15:/2006/04/15/another_new_word_part_ii_dr_bonds_findin~730583/Sat, 15 Apr 2006 22:53:27 +0200 <p><strong>Well, true to form Dr. Bond has sent his first report.</strong></p> <blockquote><p>Hello Bingo,</p> <p>I am giddy with excitement that we can work together again, joining our collective intellects and conducting a formal etymological study into the origins of the poo sound.<br> I am rather excited at the possibility of seeing my conclusions in print afore the scientific community again. You really are spoiling me with this opportunity.</p> <p>I think our study should explore the foundations of the word MUGH.<br> Starting with it in its purest manifestation, an audible reaction to a simultaneous joint sensation of pain and pleasure. </p> <p>More on, from that point we should include insights into how the sound has mutated due to social relation to the poo itself and the act of passing. Insomuch that the instinctive collective reaction to the word MUGH may has changed the sound from a purely reactionary grunt to something much more complex.<br> By way of example, feelings of disgust may result in a more aggressive or disgruntled noise, relief at a passing of a long overdue sample would inevitably provoke a different reaction. Many of the recordings I have made provide a fine example and case studies of several subjects who clearly enjoyed the act. There may in some worrying cases deeper undertones of pleasure. </p> <p>Outhouses in Victorian England and the old west of the USA may have added a previously unseen social element to the phenomena. Public passings may, in such a setting, require an adjustment of conservative social values in order to maintain the illusion of dignity. </p> <p>The typical public convenience may in modern day settings invoke a progression from that aforementioned conservative social element towards today’s liberal attitudes towards.<br> Those with a disposition toward achieving success in their social network, whilst in the immediate presence of their peers sat in adjoining cubicles, consciously or not, engage in engage in typical alpha-male orientated behavior, and act upon this naturally instinctive and competitive nature by exaggerating their efforts, affecting an array of unnatural tonal changes to the poo sound in the spirit of competitiveness. </p> <p>Further probing in this study should perhaps encompass the phenomena of the public celebration of the MUGH sound. It is obvious that it is similar to the relationship the Inuit’s have with their many, many nouns relating to snow, we in the west have many names for our leavings e.g. poo, shit, cack, turd, bum mud, arse moose, toilet toad, slippy submersibles, little brown fish etc.</p> <p>You will be aware, having myself previously inadvertently exposed myself to a selection your home media, and that you may be one of those unsavory types that see poo as a sexual component or igniter; this surely requires some further understanding, albeit from afar. </p> <p>Your learned friend,<br> Dr B J Bond</p></blockquote> <p><strong><em>I knew he was the man for the job, well done Dr. Bond. I look forward to your next transmission.</em></strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/15/another_new_word_part_ii_dr_bonds_findin~730583/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourfunnydr-bondcomedyanother-new-wordhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/15/another_new_word_part_ii_dr_bonds_findin~730583/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/15/another_new_word_the_amazing_properties_~729169/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-15:/2006/04/15/another_new_word_the_amazing_properties_~729169/Sat, 15 Apr 2006 12:26:00 +0200 <blockquote><p><strong><u>MUGH:</u></strong></p> <p>The noise made when one is squeezing a (<em>hopefully</em>) brown bum-fish through their rusty tea-towel holder.</p></blockquote> <p><strong>The word has several amazing properties.</strong></p> <blockquote><p><strong>It can be used effectively anywhere in the world. Simply making the sound and squinting your eyes is a clear indication you are sitting atop the “second sink”, this is useful when the lock on the unfamiliar turd-cellar you have found yourself has a rusty lock.<br> Its second remarkable quality is the sheer elasticity of the word when pronounced.</strong> “<em>Muuuuuuuuuurrrrrrggghhh</em>” & “<em>Mmmmmmmmmurghhh</em>” <strong>are clearly distinguishable from each-other as a painful passing of last nights dinner, and the latter a relaxing and particularly pleasant plopsie.</strong></p></blockquote> <p><strong>Oates turned to Captain Scott before he exited the tent for the last time and said</strong> <em>“I’m going for a mugh. I may be some time”</em></p> <blockquote><p><strong>I found the word accidentally, cunningly encoded in the number plate of a lorry that I was stuck behind in traffic. It’s amazing that it has not entered the common vernacular before now. I assure you that the next time you are laying some brown pipes you will say this word.</strong></p></blockquote> <p class="center"><strong>MUGH!</strong></p> <blockquote><p><strong>To back up the validity of the words international omnipresence I called in the skills of my international correspondent Dr B. J. Bond to conduct a study of this phenomenon. He has been expelled from England for his genetic experimentation,</strong> (his name was kept out of the news, but he is the man responsible for the packs of wild mole-people that have recently infested Basildon).<strong><br> He is currently in Thailand pretending to be the worlds leading authority on Breville Toastie makers.</strong></p></blockquote> <blockquote><p><em>Come in Dr Bond. Come in. Switch on the anal transponder. Your skills are needed.<br> I have an urgent assignment for you.<br> Test my theory. Does the word “MUGH” penetrate all international boundaries?</em></p></blockquote> <p><strong><br> He won’t be long with a reply, there is a cheese and ham shortage in Thailand at the moment.<br> BWB</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/15/another_new_word_the_amazing_properties_~729169/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>funnynew-wordsmughcomedyhumourbwbhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/15/another_new_word_the_amazing_properties_~729169/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/14/new_word~728262/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-14:/2006/04/14/new_word~728262/Fri, 14 Apr 2006 21:58:15 +0200 <blockquote><p><strong>Being a quite cunning linguist, I feel confident enough to introduce the odd new word upon the easily expandable English Language.</strong></p></blockquote> <p>Ladies and Gentleman,<br> I give you <strong><u>“GUNT”</u></strong> (<em>pronoun</em>: Gunt)</p> <p><strong><u>Common Usage:</u></strong> <em>A lady boarded the bus today, she took up two seats due to her massive gunt.</em></p> <p><strong>Slang term describing the condition where ones whole belly melds seamlessly into their lady-part area.<br> It is related grammatically, and often physically to the affliction of “Cankles”, both of which are common attributes belonging to someone who “Munts”.</strong></p> <blockquote><p><strong>I have a lot of time on my hands, and spend most of it sending letters to the Oxford English Dictionary trying to get my words in.<br> Join me. Together we can ruin this language forever.<br> BWB</strong></p></blockquote> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/14/new_word~728262/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>funnygunthumourbwbcomedyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/14/new_word~728262/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/14/battered_by_prince_vultan_true_story~727743/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-14:/2006/04/14/battered_by_prince_vultan_true_story~727743/Fri, 14 Apr 2006 17:43:43 +0200 <blockquote><p>Am sat on the settee watching <strong>“Flash “<em>ahhhhh, he saved every one of us</em>” Gordon</strong> on the telly.<br> I have just seen Brain “am I shouting” Blessed on screen and have been taken back to a fairly traumatic moment in the early life of the man that would become Bingo.</p></blockquote> <p><strong>The mists of time and tomfoolery hasn’t fuzzied this particular memory.</strong></p> <blockquote><p>Picture the scene, a young Bingo, happy and rude like every other teenager. I was a skater (still am when the mood/madness takes me) misspending the majority of my youth down at South Bank, underneath the Royal Festival Hall with the other 4 wheeled reprobates of good old Lahndahn Tahn.</p> <p>One bright Saturday morning, skating out of Waterloo East station towards the regular meeting point, making lots of noise (<em>Clacka-clacka-clacka</em>) as I rode down and out of the concourse, cruising effortlessly past the ticket machines, building up speed as I exited the station in a blur of motion, all that was left to negotiate was the taxi rank. It was here that I had my first brush with celebrity.</p> <p>The aforementioned Mr. Blessed was with his entire brood, waiting for a Hackney Carriage to pick up them and their many bags after what was clearly a great family holiday.<br> Even at the terrific speed I had built up I could see this behemoth of a man in my path, but being quite adept at this wheelie-boarding thing I maintained my momentum, fixed on my line.<br> Usually the noise I was making would be enough to ensure that people got “the fuck outta my way”.<br> But Brian was talking to his family, organising the stowage of luggage aboard their black cab.<br> Brian’s “talking” however meant that nobody within 20 metres could hear me approaching.<br> Right at the point where I was about to glide past them, Brian decided to make a huge gesticulation with his massive arms. What he was trying to express to his family I don’t know, but the huge giant buffoon knocked me right off my board with the backswing of his hand, sending me flying into a crumpled mess of ripped denim and Dead-Kennedy T-shirt on the roadside.</p> <p>“<strong><em>Young Man!</em></strong>” he bellowed “<strong><em>Are you alright?</em></strong>”<br> I couldn’t reply, my mind wouldn’t get a grasp on what had happened. I knew this face from somewhere. I hadn’t been in the presence of a real person from telly-land before.<br> “<strong><em>Are you injured? Is anything broken?</em></strong>”,<br> still I couldn’t muster a reply.<br> “<strong><em>Quickly, someone call an ambulance!</em></strong>”</p> <p>And then my mind switched back on again. The only natural response in this type of situation. Any mention of “imperial entanglement” was enough to get me into escape mode, having been expressly forbidden from going up town on my own, and certainly not allowed to get myself assaulted my members of the Royal Shakespeare Company.</p> <p>I scarpered, hid, and after a while started putting the pieces together. It was then I realised who he was.</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=479320"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/320/479320_577aa7e617_m.gif" align="" alt="blessed240" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> <strong>I had just been slapped by one of the Hawkmen!</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/14/battered_by_prince_vultan_true_story~727743/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>brian-blessedcomedyyoung-bingobwbhumourhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/14/battered_by_prince_vultan_true_story~727743/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/12/a_tune_indeed~723392/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-12:/2006/04/12/a_tune_indeed~723392/Wed, 12 Apr 2006 21:59:30 +0200 <blockquote><p><strong>Something for everyone in here I'm sure.</strong></p></blockquote> <p>I enjoyed Thursday in Blogland.<br> Cheers everybody.<br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=475809"><img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/img/audio.gif" align="" alt="underpressurerockwithyoudj" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> Found at <a href="http://www.gohomeproductions.co.uk/mp3.html">http://www.gohomeproductions.co.uk/mp3.html</a> Mark Vidler Productions.</p> <p><strong>BWB</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/12/a_tune_indeed~723392/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>choonbwbmusichttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/12/a_tune_indeed~723392/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/11/pop_idol_parody_video_link~719446/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-11:/2006/04/11/pop_idol_parody_video_link~719446/Tue, 11 Apr 2006 13:53:32 +0200 <p><a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=x78EEDGOW0c">http://youtube.com/watch?v=x78EEDGOW0c</a></p> <blockquote><p>Well it made me laugh.<br> Double Phooey</p></blockquote> <p><strong>BWB</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/11/pop_idol_parody_video_link~719446/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>comedypop-idlefunnypop-idolhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/11/pop_idol_parody_video_link~719446/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/11/my_r2_unit_has_a_drink_problem~719084/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-11:/2006/04/11/my_r2_unit_has_a_drink_problem~719084/Tue, 11 Apr 2006 11:29:40 +0200 <blockquote><p>R2D2 went out last night muttering something about finding some fella named Obi-Wan. He came back this morning, clearly drunk, and spilling for a fight. I had to send C3PO into the other room, as my rotund 3 wheeled flatmate was looking to do "that gay box of wires" some serious damage.</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=472430"><img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/img/video.gif" align="" alt="Drunk R2D2" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><em>Click the film-strip to see his disgraceful behavior.</em></p> <blockquote><p>He passed out soon after, I have got him hooked up to the power converter now. Still waiting for my Stormtrooper college application to arrive, will I ever get off this planet and away from these bloody droids?</p></blockquote> <p>BWB </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/11/my_r2_unit_has_a_drink_problem~719084/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>drunk-robotstar-warshumourcomedyfunnyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/11/my_r2_unit_has_a_drink_problem~719084/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/10/bingo_s_big_bonanza_prize_draw_no_purcha~717964/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-10:/2006/04/10/bingo_s_big_bonanza_prize_draw_no_purcha~717964/Mon, 10 Apr 2006 21:38:52 +0200 <p><strong>One of tonight’s viewers is going to walk away with the accolade (now that's a great name for a new fizzy drink! mmmm Accolade!) of being the 100th page view of this blog.</strong> </p> <blockquote><p> That's right the next person to stumble upon this travesty of a blog, will receive a very special prize of virtual dinner date (at top virtual nightspot Twangs) with a special celebrity guest (or my best emulation of one)</p></blockquote> <p><strong>To win these exclusive prizes just complete this well known phrase.</strong><br> <em><br> "I have just done a........"</em></p> <p><strong>10 words or less people. Comedy pants on. Loudest Laugh Wins.</strong></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/10/bingo_s_big_bonanza_prize_draw_no_purcha~717964/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourcomedy100th-viewer-comphttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/10/bingo_s_big_bonanza_prize_draw_no_purcha~717964/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/reminds_me_of_an_old_job~715229/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-09:/2006/04/09/reminds_me_of_an_old_job~715229/Sun, 09 Apr 2006 21:08:48 +0200 <blockquote><p><strong>I have had 1302 jobs in the last 10 years</strong></p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=469394"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/394/469394_b5d7830e54_m.jpeg" align="" alt="oldjob" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <blockquote><p>I got fired from this place after they had their worst month ever. Most of the men came on the bus, and The Boss had been drinking all the profits.</p></blockquote> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/reminds_me_of_an_old_job~715229/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>comedysperm-bankhumourfunnyhttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/reminds_me_of_an_old_job~715229/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/breaking_pop_news~714878/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-09:/2006/04/09/breaking_pop_news~714878/Sun, 09 Apr 2006 18:35:13 +0200 <p><strong>Michael</strong> "why am I free "<strong>Jackson</strong> and <strong>Pete</strong> "Drug Mule" <strong>Doherty</strong> have formed a new band in a desperate attempt to resuscitate their careers.</p> <blockquote><p>Babydangles.</p></blockquote> <p>In other news, Girls Aloud are a greasy bunch of twangs. If anyone has a truck or similar vehicle, you know what to do. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/breaking_pop_news~714878/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>humourjokefunnymichael-jacksonpop-newshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/breaking_pop_news~714878/#commentshttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/what_is_this_street_artist_trying_to_tel~714565/tag:milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk,2006-04-09:/2006/04/09/what_is_this_street_artist_trying_to_tel~714565/Sun, 09 Apr 2006 15:59:51 +0200 <p><strong>Earlier this morning during my supervised trips to the newsagents I spotted a new piece of art by a young and as yet undiscovered street artist.<br> I don’t profess to be an expert in such lofty matters as fine art and it's criticism.<br> Luckily (for whom I’m not quite sure) I have a large box of celebrity body parts, and in there is the dismembered head of Brain Sewell. Brian will do anything if I give him his favourite chocolate bar. So without further ado, take it away Brain…..</strong></p> <blockquote><p>Thank you Bingo, you really are a dear chap for letting me out of the box at last, there is only so much of Judith Chalmers’ nipples that one such as myself can take, I have been leant upon both of those distended and sun-dried monstrosities for three weeks now.<br> Do you have the Double-Decker’s? Good, enough of these digressions, lets examine the first piece.</p></blockquote> <p>Mega Spunk Sperm (2006)<br> Media: Tempo marker (black) on 24”x48” Concrete slab.<br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=468888"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/888/468888_9f9d77bf4e_m.jpeg" align="" alt="Street art 001" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <blockquote><p>Forged in the same school of artistic spirit that has Marcel Duchamp in the role Headmaster Emeritus, we find this piece of found art.<br> Similar in context to Msr. Duchamp's signature (pun intended) piece “<a href="http://www.understandingduchamp.com/">Fountain</a>”, this young artist (we can only presume this from the raw energy of the piece, but there was an old peoples home nearby and who I am I to say this isn’t a reactionary piece from an octogenarian expressionist) has created a fountain of his own, building upon Duchamp’s early attempt.<br> By using the medium of the paving slab our artist is commenting upon the degradation within modern society. In the civilised 1920’s a urinal was the only acceptable place to urinate outside the comfort of one’s home.<br> Whereas, today in modern Britain the common paving slab is just as popular a receiver of ghastly golden rain as the porcelain pissoir was during Duchamp’s more delicate place in time.<br> Notice how the artist emphasises the explosive power beholden by the male phallus, a rough form on a rough medium depicting the very tool that seems to have dispensed the shower of inspiration all over this artist.<br> A simulation of vigour, but also anger is recreated by the four isometrically opposed parallel jets of jism being inflicted upon us. The swinging tallywagger a metronome, beating its onanistic rhythm for all to see between the counterbalanced totems of spunk and sperm, aimed right at the word Mega, which in the next segment we see is the artist’s name.<br> Can I have my first Double-Decker now please Bingo? Thank you dear boy……</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=468890" title="Share your media"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/890/468890_c389d16335_o.gif" width="159" height="224" alt="brian_sewell"></a><br> <em><strong>Yum, yum, yum. All gone.</strong></em></p> <p>Mega Likes Penis (2006)<br> Media: Tempo marker (black) on 40”x20” Concrete BT service cover.<br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=468889"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/media/889/468889_bc6a1b43cc_m.jpeg" align="" alt="street art 002" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a></p> <blockquote><p>Found within four feet of its companion piece, (and we eagerly await more pieces to be displayed at this impromptu open air gallery).<br> In this work by the artist we have come to know as Mega, we see how he address the questions raised in “Mega Spunk Sperm”, that in by directing the gusts of wang-fat over himself answers them for us.<br> Mega really does like penis, and what it can do.<br> This is his reason d’arte, what he wants to express to us, what moves him, what empowers him. By commenting upon a medium borne with a modern corporate identity we can read further. This is direct communication of a message in modern times, (the telephone/broadband line) presented through a Neolithic medium (writ in stone). The irony isn’t wasted on this humble reviewer of such things, and was wholly pleasant as new encounters go. Expect greater things from our new friend Mega. Can I have my second Double-Decker now? </p></blockquote> <p><strong>Yes Brian, and thank you, I knew you’re head would come in handy sooner or later.</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/what_is_this_street_artist_trying_to_tel~714565/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>funnyhumourstreet-arthttp://milkingthegimp.blog.co.uk/2006/04/09/what_is_this_street_artist_trying_to_tel~714565/#comments